Gettin' A Chubby

Yes, it is that time of the year where I start complaining about my expanding waistline. At least I have a different pitch each time I do it right? I make excuses like it is winter and I am one of those bears that is not allowed to hibernate. So I keep stocking up on food to hope it lasts me, but I don’t really fall asleep. I had some knee issues, so I was told to stay off of it. Well, goodbye cardio.

Let’s just get this part out of the way. God hates me in the fact that I cannot maintain a small figure unless I do intense cardio and diet. I can’t just do one or the other or the pounds just melt onto me. And they go into the most ridiculous places! I for one would not mind if I got huge knockers out of the deal. But those stay tiny, my gut expands, my hips join in the parade and my already round butt gets rounder. What do my legs do? Oh they do the most attractive thing possible, they stay skinny. So here I am with beer gut and bird legs.

For all you natural skinny people out there? I don’t hate you. I don’t, as a matter of fact while you wolf down a Big Mac with me and the most you have to do is go home and take a nap to burn off those calories while I madly make a dash for the treadmill, I envy you. I envy the living hell out of you. I will never say “You’re tooooo skinnnny!” Or “I hate that you can eat so much and stay that way!” I will sit there and look at you with green green skin.

So when I said farewell to cardio I convinced myself that I could get my ohm on along with some pilates and still maintain a hot figure. I was convinced at first. It was a slow weight loss, but I think for a minute I started to just appreciate the relaxation of it and not really worry about what my body looked like. It literally worked. I was gut struttin’ around thinking that if I was doing these things I could manage my self-esteem in the process. It only worked for a minute though as I caught a flash of belly and butt poking out in all directions.

My biggest issue is the love of food. I love all food. I love candy, burger, the guacamole chips and salsa I know I should not be eating at 11:00 at night, ice cream, french fries, soda, nachos and cookies. I know I could enjoy these things in moderation and I have done it before in my life, but something is just not clicking right now. I want them all and I want them all in my face right now. I do great during the day with food and night hits and I want so bad it’s driving me mad.

I am tweaking a few rules this year though. No fat pants. I threw them all out, and I refuse to buy another pair, I just need to lose a few pounds and then I can fit back in the other pairs I own. Hm, that could be why I have been living in my sweats for the past two days. That or I am just supremely lazy.
Summer is coming up soon though and I will fall back into my health cycle where I just want to run around everywhere I can and eat fruit and more fruit, and go to the Farmers Market and lecture you about all the naughty things you are putting in your mouth.

Until then, feel free to squeeze my chipmunk cheeks when you see me, you may find some nuts hiding in there.